A friend of mine in Florida recently forwarded an article entitled “Are Your Words Holding You Back?” by Ellen Welty. It is a very good reminder about how the simplest words may be seriously affecting our coworkers’, boss’s, and customers’ impressions of us. Here are some tidbits you may find useful:
Downplaying our ideas and input by prefacing them with “this may not be worth mentioning” or “this probably won’t work” or “I’m no expert”. By devaluing our own ideas, how can we expect others to take them seriously? Instead, use neutral introductions like “I have an idea” or “What if we…”
“I’m sorry” that we use the words “I’m sorry” so much, but it’s true. Many of us, unfortunately lots of we women, assume we’re in the wrong or haven’t measured up to others’ expectations. Communications expert, Judith Selee McClure says to replace “I’m sorry – I didn’t catch that” with a simple “Could you please repeat that?” Using the phrase “I apologize” is even a step in the right direction – she says that “apologize” is active, where “sorry” is passive.
Playing it safe and hedging your bets with the phrase, “I think” says you’re not completely up to the task or not fully committed, not to mention lacking confidence. Delete these words completely. Answer confidently with yes and no.
Using “kind of” and “sort of” are words that water down your convictions and avoid confrontations. Using non-committal words give us a sense of protection. Something either is or it isn’t.
“Just” used to describe ourselves – “it’s just me” or “I’m just a stay-at-home mom/office manager/dental hygienist/etc. says we don’t value ourselves very much. Stop using this word that minimizes your role or importance. “Hi, it’s me” and “I’m a stay-at-home mom” have much more power.
The article ends with a plan for eliminating self-defeating talk and putting more “me-power” behind the words we use. A few suggestions:
Pick one word, phrase, or negative speech habit to focus on at a time.
Spend several days noticing when, and around whom you use it.
Leave yourself some reminders, such as on a post-it note in your planner, that state the new way you will say something
Share your goal to eliminate “wimpy words” with a friend and ask them to point out when you use them.
Be patient with yourself – new habits take about a month to take hold.
Some items here sure caught my attention. Monitor your speech this week to see where you may be using these self-defeating words and phrases. Say what you mean clearly and concisely and feel your confidence rise.
Please share your success stories! And visit my Career Coaching website at www.LousbergUnlimited.com.
Friday, November 09, 2007
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