Handling "Crucial Conversations" at Work

In a regular column in the San Diego Union Tribune where they ask “what would you do” questions to inspire readers’ thinking, they recently asked how we would handle delivering a comment to a friend about a potentially unsafe, emotional situation. This made me think of some experiences, at home and in the workplace, where direct communication could have made all the difference to me and others.

Direct communication, sometimes leading to confrontation, is a hot button for many, especially in the workplace. The skill of handling ourselves in an intense conversation is not something commonly taught. Emotions get in the way and the tendency may be to avoid anything feeling slightly uncomfortable. Many of us were even taught to not question authority and not speak up for fear that we offend or hurt someone’s feelings.

In their 2002 book, “Crucial Conversations, Tools for talking when stakes are high”, the authors have valuable advice for making it safe to talk about most anything, at work, home, and at play. They say that “skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open.” Further, they say that the skills we need to master “high-stakes interactions” are moderately easy to learn. Their first tip is this: “Remember that the only person you can directly control is yourself” and then to “Focus on what you really want” by paying attention to your motives.

Can this information really help your career? Absolutely! The research conducted for this book teaches that “individuals who are the most influential – those who can get things done, and at the same time build on relationships – are those who master their crucial conversations”. (Think standing up to your boss on a hot topic, talking to a team member about not keeping commitments, delivering an unfavorable performance review)

Priceless information here! I’m interested in knowing about your experiences and successes in handling crucial conversations, so drop me a comment.

By the way, as you may have noticed, I make mention of several books in this blog. Many of my recommendations pertinent to work life and careers are now listed on the Resources page of my website (www.LousbergUnlimited.com), along with a handy link directly to Amazon.com.